Saturday, 10 September 2011

oh abah, you're right all these years

Assalamualaikum to those who are willing to read. Your fully concern is highly appreciated.

Okay, let start the story with me, myself. I was born in this family with some leaps and bounds in crisis.  Well everyone  knows that life is not  a bed of roses. Like my favorite teacher  once said “as long as you have food to eat and cloth to wear, everything is okay”.  I hold this principle for several years. I start to shun away with my family problem and focus on my study. Alhamdulilah, I do great with it.

The reason I wrote this stuff is not to make thing clear. This is due to I acknowledge myself that I don’t have any power to point people’s mistake, I’m just want to express my feeling that I kept deep inside my heart all these years.

 Actually this story had happened a long times ago. I’m still remember when I was a little girl I always saw the older people in my family arguing. That time I feel weird because as a family why they are so much argue, why they don’t act like the happy loving cuddly family in the television. But I remain silence.

I still remember when my abah got mad and drove away from kampong just like that and it is not happen only once. heheh my abah is a sensitive person as he still like that.  Sometime my abah also told me about one of his family member that detests him. But I remain silence. Hehe once a while I also advised abah that it is not good to talk other people back. Well it’s hard to keep my mouth shut. Then, abah will be the one who remain silence.
Recently the history repeated by itself. There have been misinformation happen (I choose this word as it looks more polite :p) that lead to argue. This time it becomes worse because it involve the younger in the family. This cannot be obstruct as the younger is not actually young anymore. They know they can differentiate between the right and wrong. What they forget to know is that it ’s essential  to keep this silaturahim and not get influence with darah muda.

There was a day after raya when abah and me sit together in the kitchen, helping me to cook for lunch. We chat about my friends, anept’s girlfriend, my other sibling deepest secrete hahah I’m REALLY cannot shut my mouth and other funny stories. Then it’s time for abah to tell his stories and he told me about one of his family member. Firstly, I’m just kept silence. As a realistic person, I believe it’s very crucial to listen for both side. Then I brave myself to ask “abah dari dulu lagi memang suka gado ngan *** ke, sejak kecik lagi, naper? Bile bende ni start?”.  Abah take a moment. Maybe he do not know whether to tell me this bitter story or not because he afraid it’ll grow hatred in my heart to that particular person or maybe abah knows whatever he told me is difficult for me to understand as I refused to do so until I hear from both side. Finally, abah told me the story. He told me that he never intend to coax my grandma to give the land to his and many other things. Abah try to convince me by telling evidence in every detail of his story. I’m also try hard to recall those back memory and it suit with abah story.

For instance, when my grandparent still alive, I was one of family member who frequently be forced by abah to balik kampong. The reason balik kampong is like a pill in my throat is I always been criticized for not doing thing right in the kitchen hahah. Well, I was not born to stay in the kitchen. There a lots outside the kitchen waiting for me to discover.  Until know, the kitchen and me are not really good friend =.=”.  okay back to the important story.

Preparation for eid- adha when my grandparent still alive.

Me: banyak ek nenek masak sume orang balik ek, org ni balik x, org tu balik x, nenek ade ajak *** x, da jemput  *** datang?”

Late grandma: buat ape nak jemput, kan raya, ni bukan rumah sape pun, kalau die nak balik, die balik! (tertibe melenting, terkejut aku)

And then my late grandma mumble all the days,  she told my father about the conversation between her and me. My father just remains silence. He never took the chance to spread all bad word about *** in front of me although he got the perfect time and believe me I never heard my father said something bad about *** to my grandparent. Maybe because abah knows his parent knows who abah is really. It is actually actions that speak louder than the words in abah ways to show his deeply concern to my grandparent.  
Actually, even abah had told me the story I’m still refused to choose side. I believe we all should forget the past and start a fresh bond. Untill one day…

It’s shock news when my older brother tags me to read the blog. I read the whole things. Nothing interests me because I know the REAL story. But what touched my heart is the sentence “dia telah diberi balasan dengan isteri yang menghidapi penyakit cronik da n 2 orang anak yang cacat”. That very particular sentence had make tears rolls down to my cheek. La haula wala ku wata illah billah. I never imagine that these words define my family. If he said that he never mention my family and I ’m just the one who extravagant what can be said,I’ve been raised in this family full of backbiting and slander. To realize this sarcastic sentence is just like take a candy from a baby.

So I made up my mind. I’ll never let people describe my family like that. it’s the time for me to stand for own family. I’ll show the world to have a person with chronic illness and 2 handicapped brothers is not an obstacle to be a person that can benefit others. I ‘ll chased my dream to be a good muslimah doctor and uphold  my family good name.

Mak ayah aku ade anak jadi doctor. Ko ade?

Like anept said “kesenangan kiteorang pun bukan sebab kesusahan ko” so tak tau lah kalo ko rase susah dengan kesenangan kiteorang. Tu ko punya pasal. But don’t cross my line!.

Ahh the good thing I discover after read the blog is I finally heard both story. Now, I can choose side. Oh abah, you’re right all these times.

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